Synced and corrected by R3V0LV3R.
That was easy.
My name is Phil Davis.
I was a kid who could
outrun, out jump or out hit anyone in my class.
And then, this kid from California named Ace Montana moved to town.
Just say the word, and I'll take him out right now.
Naw, leave him alone, Big Jimmy.
I had a feeling he was gonna win.
Shut up, Blaine.
Well, I did.
Ever since then, Ace has been number one,
and I've been number two.
I should have changed my name to "Deuce".
"Deuce" Davis.
Come on!
Not much has changed over the years.
Big Jimmy hasn't grown an inch since fifth grade,
and Blaine is... well, still Blaine.
All right guys, let's play some good defense.
That's it. Don't let them score.
And Ace...
is still number one.
Keep it down here...
Keep it down here, Brady.
Come on, Brady!
Now, Brady!
Shoot it now!
Yes!
Yeah! Yeah!
Time out.
Yeah!
Come on, Big Jimmy, keep 'em going.
Hey, Brady,
slammin' shot, man.
Ah, thanks.
Dude, dude...
I didn't see you there.
Come on. Walk away, Brady, walk away, pal.
Sweet shot.
Brady, nice shot, nice shot.
Two seconds. Two seconds.
That's all they've got, okay?
Everybody knows the ball is gonna go to A.J.
A.J. Don't foul him.
Whatever you do, don't foul him, understand?
And if you do foul him,
make sure he goes to the hospital,
not the foul line!
Hey, hey. Okay, come on, come on.
Here we go, here we go, here we go!
Let's go!
All right, come on, guys!
Come on, guys, we got him.
We got him!
Hey, hey, don't say that to those kids.
Ah!
A lot can happen in two seconds.
Remember Christian Laettner?
Regional finals...
Seriously, that's.
Ace Montana over there.
What makes you think he can lose?
Hey, Blaine, would you shut up?
Both of you chill.
We got "fake bake" by the short hairs.
Ain't no way these little kids are gonna take the ball full court
and score with two seconds left.
It would take a miracle.
Come on you guys!
Defense!
Or a "Hail Mary" at half court.
It's in.
Yep.
No!
Ah!
Whoa, Phil.
Phil, what, bad dream?
Oh... oh, a nightmare, it was a nightmare.
I dreamt that, uh...
oh, that Brady's team was in the city basketball
finals, and, and, we were up by two,
and... and... and A.J. took a shot from half court,
with no time left, and he beat us.
Oh, man.
Phil.
Oh, that's it!
That's it!
We're moving.
Oh, Phil!
Do we have to go through this every time Ace beats you
at something?
Something? Something...
Well, how 'bout everything
and now its starting all over again with... with Ace's
clone A.J. and... and Brady!
Oh...
Phil, its past 3:00.
I'm never gonna make
my spinning class.
Why did he have to move here and ruin my life?
Ace Montana!
What kind of a name is that?!
I'll tell you what kind of name it is.
It's the coolest damn name I've ever heard.
Something exciting has come up...
and you are the guy that can handle it.
Are you familiar with the Japanese conglomerate,
Yakimoto Technology and Communications?
Are you kidding?
Yeah, I mean, we...
we all use Yakimoto cell phones, right?
Yes.
Guess what?
They saw one of our ads
in a magazine.
They loved the copy.
This is a huge, Phil!
If we are chosen,
this is ten million dollars in revenue!
Right, but, uh, Stewart's your... your go-to guy.
What about Stewart?
No, Phil.
You're gonna be the go-to guy.
I need you to go home, I need you to concentrate.
I need you
to put on that thinking cap of yours.
I want you to come up with a bunch of ideas
that are going to blow these guys away.
What I want to know, Phil, is are you up for this?
Are you kidding?
I am... I am so up for this, Larry. I am ready.
Great.
Look, we're going to meet on this tomorrow, 4:00.
I'll be there Larry.
And thank you so much.
And I will not let you down.
This is really gonna be fun.
Now, don't forget,
you're supposed to do it with your dad's supervision.
The instructions are in the box, okay?
And then, there's gonna be
a big race at the rec center for all the scouts.
Okay, who wants an ice cream sandwich?
I do! I do!
Ah, everybody.
Ah, this is gonna be cool.
Yeah!
Don't even waste your time making a car.
Me and my dad are gonna win this thing.
What was that, A.J.?
Oh, nothing, Mrs. Davis.
I was just saying how much fun the Pinewood Derby's gonna be.
Okay.
" Down and derby."
Hey.
" Well, it's gettin' on down and derby."
Hey.
" Well, it's gettin' on down and derby."
Oh, Dad! Dad!
Hey.
Look... we're gonna be in the Pinewood Derby.
You're supposed to help me make it.
Oh...
Oh, wow, that's, uh...
it's cool, huh?
Yeah, that's really...
Yeah...
Son, this is gonna be so fun.
I remember doing this when I was a kid.
Hey, um, Brady,
did all the kids get one of these?
Yeah.
Mom gave them to us.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Oh, that's so great.
Hey, should be fun for the kids, huh?
Yeah.
Who do you think you're kiddin', Ace?
Yeah, okay.
Hey, Dad, look what I got.
It's a new Pinewood Derby car!
Get in the house, Danny.
Give me the car, Dad.
I've got the car, just get in the house.
But Dad...
Danny, get your little butt in the house, go on.
Why don't you go inside, son.
Brady, go see...
if your mom needs help with dinner.
All right.
N-n-no, I-I-I... I've got this.
I've got it.
It's okay, it's safe with me.
Go on.
Can you have it here
first thing in the morning?
Yeah, I'll take the book and the how-to video.
No, all my info's on the order form.
All right, thanks.
Oh... you are mine, Ace.
I'm back...
I am gonna own you.
Hey, Dad, it's dinner!
Yeah.
All right.
N-n-n-no, hey, hey, hey.
What's the matter?
We... well, le... let's...
let's just... look at it for a minute.
N-n-no, n-n-no,
no no.
See, l-l-l thought we were just... just looking.
I thought we already did look.
Phil.
I have heard
that this can happen with Pinewood Derby cars.
But it's not gonna happen in this house.
Give... Give... Dad!
Dad!
Phil, this is Brady's car.
You have to share.
Yeah!
He's supposed to make it
with your supervision.
Like the manual says.
Here you go.
Now, this is the car I want to make!
Okay.
It's pretty cool, huh?
Oh, honey, that's really cool!
Isn't that good, Phil?
Yeah, you see, Dad, you know, I thought we could slope the nose,
so air could hit it, and it could make it go faster.
Oh, well... yeah, I think that's, uh, that's fine.
If you're not concerned about winning,
I think that's fine.
Oh, come on, Phil!
What?
Well, what's wrong with it, Dad?
Well, I... the drag coefficient alone...
But, now...
Yeah, yeah.
If you're interested in winning,
this is your car!
When... when did you have time to make these?
Oh, I had 'em drawn up, uh,
the minute I found out we were having a boy.
Yeah, I've been saving 'em for Brady's first Derby.
It's...
What do you think?
It's... it's cool, Dad, but...
I'd really rather
make this one.
Okay.
Come on, Dad.
No, no, no, it's okay.
I can see that I am not...
needed for this.
Sit down, Phil.
No, no, no, that's okay. Go ahead and build... that car.
But when you win the most cautious driver award,
don't come crying to me.
But Dad, we can win this thing.
Where are you going, Phil?
No, I, you know, I really don't have time for this.
I've got a lot of work to do
on the Yakimoto campaign, so, I...
Mom!
Okay, you are in there,
and I'm gonna find you.
And, I will find you.
Dad?
In fact, I can see you now.
Dad?
What?
Don't touch the wood, okay?
The paint doesn't lay right.
Okay?
Look, there's something I want you to do though, okay?
I want you to pick out the color.
How about blue?
Uh...
What about green?
Green is...
Todd!
For the last time, get to bed!
She's right, buddy, okay?
Will you... will you think about colors for me though?
Mm-hmm.
All right, I'll see you in the morning.
Slow down, slow down.
Slow down.
So, what it all boils
down to is...
Remember, it's Danny's car.
You got it, love chunks.
Dad.
Huh?
You were saying?
Oh, oh, yeah, um...
what it all boils down to is
if you can't run with the big dogs,
you'd better stay on the porch.
What's that
supposed to mean?
Winning Pinewood Derby cars are made by dads,
the "big dogs."
But, that's not fair!
Dads are only supposed to supervise.
That's what Mrs. Davis told us.
And she's right!
But, life isn't fair.
So, what I need to know is, "little dog",
do you want to make your own car and take last place?
Or do you want a "big dog" to make it
and kick some butt?
I just thought it would be more fun
to make my own car.
Okay.
Come on, baby.
I respect that.
But, if you need any help, you just let me know, okay?
Okay.
Hey!
Thanks, Dad.
Anytime, pal.
Hey, Shaquille!
Your grandpa has a power saw in his garage.
You can use that to cut it.
Well, do you think he'd help me?
Of course he'd help you.
No, no, K-Kim!
Kim, no no no.
No, I-I-I-I do not
want your dad getting involved!
He doesn't have a clue about how to...
build one of these things.
And I don't want Brady around all that power machinery!
He needs supervision.
From his dad.
Like it says in the manual.
M-may I sit there, please?
Mom?
Oh.
It's okay.
So... thank you. I'll just...
Okay.
Excuse me. Okay.
No, we're, uh, we're fine.
Yeah, we've got this covered.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, just us guys.
Okay, okay, thank you.
All righty.
No, no, no, no.
Come on, Dad!
Let me, let me, let me just, uh,
let me just look it over.
This is complicated.
Big Jimmy, what's going on?
Phil! I'm leaving.
You... you have a good day.
I-I love you.
Love you, too.
Bye-bye.
Yeah...
it's him!
Okay...
Phil Davis.
Ah, that's, uh... hi.
Thank you. That's...
Oh, it's a, potato masher, slicer-dicer deal.
You've see it on channel 3.
Uh, Jimmy...
it's supposed to be Big Jimmy!
Sorry, Big Jimmy.
Angel joined a book club.
Oh.
Yeah.
I guess you must be, uh, Blaine... Moons... man?
That's right, yep.
Shoe trees.
Okay.
Now, if I could get you guys to, uh, sign right here...
Thanks.
Derby freaks!
Hi, Blaine, you...
doing a little project?
Picture frames.
Hey. Hey, Big Jimmy.
Hey, howdy.
Looks like it's neighbor day. I just saw Blaine.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Says he's working on his deck.
What are you here for?
Ah, Kim, you know, Kim... she's, uh, she's been
just nagging me, you know...
I got to organize the... the gar... I'm building some shelves.
Uh, what about you?
Uh, well, I got the week off, so I thought I'd start working
on the fence, you know.
You know what they say.
"Good fences make good neighbors", huh?
Yeah, okay, all right.
Listen, I gotta go
all right?
I got a lot to do. Hey...
Good luck with those shelves.
Shelves... oh, yeah, the shelves... okay then.
So, uh, how's everyone's Pinewood Derby coming along?
You mean, how's my dad's Pinewood Derby coming?
I can't wait till I'm a dad, so I can build my own car and race it.
"You'll get your turn when we get to the fun stuff."
Your dad says that too?
Yeah.
Yeah, mine too.
Hey.
What's going on?
Oh, hey, Mom. We're just hanging out.
What have you guys been doing all day?
Nothing.
What's your dad doing?
Same thing that Danny and Todd's dads are doing.
And what might that be?
You don't want to know, Mrs. Davis.
She's gonna freak!
Hey guys, let's go down to the dairy and get an ice cream,
I'm buying.
Well... where'd you get the money?
I asked my dad if I could help him with the Pinewood Derby.
He said, "When we get to the fun stuff."
And then he gave me this to get rid of me.
Whoa!
What a minute!
I think I got a great idea.
What is going on?
What is this mess?
Oh!
Hah, you scared me.
No, Phil!
You are scaring me.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no, not... not... not to worry.
Not to worry.
No, this... this is all gonna be...
this will be out of here once... once the Derby's over.
The Derby?
Why the bedroom?
Why not the basement or the garage?
What? I'm... I-I-I-couldn't...
I'm sorry I couldn't hear you, the...
I said
why the bedroom?
Why not the garage or the basement?
Well, uh...
this... this is the... the safest place.
The... the safest place?
I don't want anyone to know
I'm getting ready for the Derby.
Oh...
Now I get it.
Oh, don't worry.
Your secret's safe with me.
I won't tell a soul.
Phil, you need a shrink!
Yeah, hey, what do you think of this track?
It's pretty sweet, right?
The track? Oh, it's a work of art, yeah.
But, how do we get in the bed?
The bed?
Oh, no, oh, that's... now, that's not...
that's not so bad, here, watch, watch...
Excuse me, just... pardon me.
Excuse me. Just put...
Put this through.
Right here like that. Then you...
Right like that. Cozy like this.
See, I designed it so the clearance
is just high enough, so that,
you know, we... we can... we can roll over.
That's you over here.
"Hi, honey, how you doing?"
And... and this is me. I'm over here.
"Oh, hi, honey, I'm...
"Oh, cuddle up over here. You wanna spoon?
Mm... so cozy."
Phil!
Have you done
anything at all on the Yakimoto campaign?
Oh! Oh. The Yakimoto campaign.
Oh, yes, of course, I've been working on that.
Oh, yeah, uh...
Yeah, and, you know what?
I'll show you.
Oh, yeah!
So, hey, hey!
Relax!
We're gonna win!
Oh, that's, uh, that's mine.
Uh, excuse me. Pardon me, yeah.
Yeah, it's Phil.
Phil, it's Larry.
Larry?
Larry... Larry... Larry...
Uh...
Oh! Oh, uh, yeah, Larry, hey. Hey, Larry.
What's going on?
We were supposed to meet
30 minutes ago on the Yaki-
Remember what to say?
Yeah, I think so.
Come on, it's easy!
All right.
The Pinewood Derby, and hey,
if a couple of dummies like us could do it,
you could too.
But, before we tell you how...
Hey, Dad, it's looking good.
Hey. Hey, champ. What... what's up buddy?
You know, my friends,
they want me to go to the movies and then get a pizza, but...
I don't have enough money.
And besides I'd rather stay here and help you!
Well, hey, that's so...
Oh boy, that's sweet.
That's, that's, uh, that's sweet, but you know,
you know what?
Boy, that's... that's tough.
That's a... that's a tough call.
You know, 'cause, I mean, as much as I'd like you to stick around here
and, um, help me out, you know, I know how...
important it is for you to get out there and...
play with your buddies and...
besides we're not even to the fun stuff yet.
So... so... so...
how much is it for a... for a movie?
What's the...
it's, uh, it's $8.
$8,... take, uh...
Take... take that, take that, and you go have a good time.
Yeah.
You know what, this is too much, Dad.
I don't want your money.
I just want to stay here and help you.
No no no, I don't want you here!
I mean, I want you to go, I do.
I want you to go. I want...
Here, you take... take this, and here's a 20.
Here's a 20, and you take that, and you have fun
with your friends, now go!
Yeah. That's gonna be a good time.
Yeah, now, go on, go on. Go, go, go, go, go.
Yeah!
It worked!
You're a genius!
Let's go!
" Make and break the world record that is set ."
" You know they'll never forget ."
" Don't underestimate him yet ."
" Because he will succeed to fill his need for speed"
" it's like a never-ending convo about insatiable greed ."
Finally!
Finally, we're getting some place with these numbers.
This is good.
Phil!
Could you come to bed?! It's 4:00 in the morning.
Yeah.
Just one... one second.
I just got two more runs,
and then I'll be right there.
Am I missing something?
I mean, aren't you allowed to only race
one Pinewood Derby car?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
But according to the Pinewood Derby Bible,
if you want to win, you've gotta build a bunch of cars.
And sooner or later, you come up with that fluke,
that for no logical reason just...
is faster then the rest.
So, see, I'm...
And how fast does that have to be, Phil?
Well, the all-time world record is 3.11275 secs.
There is a Pinewood Derby world record?
Yeah.
Okay, uh, Phil, I'm gonna try and go back to sleep now!
Yeah, yeah, you go to sleep.
Do you think you could turn off the light?
Oh! Yeah, yeah, sure.
Yep.
No, no, no!
Blaine!
I thought you were coming to bed.
I was.
But it looks like I've still got some more work to do.
" He'll be the last man standing."
" He'll be number one."
" He'll be the first car to finish."
" When the race is won."
I think I can do it. Yeah.
You guys come on, lets go!
Hey, Phil!
Hey.
Hey, yeah. What, uh, what's up?
Oh, we're just gonna take out the new ATV's.
Oh! Oh, wow, yeah.
Where... where'd you get those?
Oh, there was a little contest at work,
and they were first prize.
Oh, you...
that's, well, that's... that's good... Good for you, that's...
Hey, how's your boy
doing with his Pinewood Derby car?
Derby?
Oh! Yeah, oh, that, uh, that... that little,
the little Derby, yeah.
Yeah, you know, I've been so...
I've just been swamped at work.
I just landed a very, uh, a very
prestigious, uh, campaign.
I haven't even asked him.
What about your little guy?
Bless his little heart, he is trying so hard.
Little stinker won't even let me help him.
Says he's got to do it all by himself.
And I said, "Okay."
Yeah, well, that's, uh,
that's the way it's supposed to be.
Man, it's so fun watching these kids grow up, isn't it?
Yeah, oh, it's... yeah, it is, it's a ball.
Hey, Phil, I gotta run.
Good luck with that campaign, okay?
On the camp...
Oh, the... the, yeah, the thing, that's, uh, yeah.
Well, thank you very much.
And you guys have a good time on those, um, tractors, there.
Okay... yeah.
Hi, Dad!
Hey, buddy!
Oh, wow! That looks fun.
This is anything but fun.
But if it helps you win the Derby, Danny,
it's all my pleasure.
What are "big dogs" for, right?
Right!
So, uh, can I... can I help, Dad?
Um...
don't you and your buddies have something going on?
Yeah...
They want me to go to lunch
with them and maybe the city pool and even the water slides.
But I'd rather stay here and help you.
You know what? You're going to have to wait.
I'm out of cash, and I don't have time to go to the bank.
How about you give me your ATM card and...
My ATM card.
Yeah, right
I'm just kiddin', Dad.
Can I, can I help, Dad, please?
Okay.
My ATM card is in my wallet on my dresser.
The PIN number is 40...
40.
24...
24.
38.
Got it?
Got it. Thanks, Dad!
You got it.
The doctor will be right with you.
Just another moment.
The doctor will be right with you.
Need more water.
Give me that number two.
More water.
Suction.
Is this your first one, Doctor?
Right, I've never done this before.
And the manual is unclear
on how to do most of this stuff.
Oh, shoot!
I took off too much there.
Water.
Well, let's don't drown it, please.
All right.
Girls, if you're not gonna take this seriously,
I'll get Maxine in here.
Okay.
That's enough, you guys.
You're excused.
Thank you.
Hi, Dad!
Are we at the fun stuff yet?
Thanks, Dad!
Uhh...
Coming, coming!
Hello.
Kim? It's Larry.
Where is Phil?
I have been trying to call there all day.
Have you tried him on his cell?
He's got it turned off!
He didn't come in today?
No!
He was supposed to be here at 9:00.
And, tell you the truth, I'm getting a little nervous,
because I've turned over the biggest deal of my life
to Phil!
The Yakimoto campaign.
He's told you about it?
Yeah, of course.
Oh, hi, Mom.
Well, you know Phil.
Once he's onto something, that's all he thinks about.
For Phil's sake, I hope you're right.
Really, Larry, you know you have nothing to worry about with Phil.
Kim?
Kim.
Kim!
Larry?
Yeah, I'm gonna have Phil call ya as soon as he gets back.
Okay, then.
Phil!
Your dad gave you his ATM card too?
Yeah. He was all out of cash.
So, uh... how much you taking?
Mm... I don't know.
You guys...
I don't know if this is such a good idea.
Hey, look...
Our dads are robbing us
of our very first Pinewood Derby.
What's that worth?
A lot!
Yeah!
Holy cow!
Sweet. Oh, yeah.
Let's go.
Ow!
Oh!
What was that?
Uh, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sweetheart.
It's a... a car. A car derailed.
What?
Uh, the... the car, it jumped the track.
It... it derailed.
But don't worry. It can be fixed.
It'll just...
take me a second.
Phil, you're getting sawdust on me.
Oh.
Oh, here, here, here sweetie.
Here, take... take that.
Put, put that on your, on your...
Take your time.
Look, Robbie, you tell.
He has gone way beyond the fun stuff now!
I gotta go.
Mr. Savage, you have someone here to see you.
I didn't think I had any appointments this morning.
You do now.
Oh, jeez.
Whoa, hah.
Hi, honey.
Hey.
Any idea what today is?
Uh... not really.
June 12th. Does that ring a bell?
Sweetheart,
the Pinewood Derby is on the 15th.
Oh!
Whoa!
Hey, hey, hey!
Give me the towel, give me the towel!
Jeez, jeez! What happened?
I was just blow-drying my hair!
Kim, I told you to blow dry
your hair in the other bathroom!
You could have set the track on fire!
I mean, look at this mess!
Yes! Look at this mess!
And don't you dare try to blame that on me!
It's your fault.
You have enough wattage in here to light up Las Vegas.
I'm outta here.
W-w-w-wait, what do you mean you're "outta here"?
Where are you going?
I'm going to my parents' house.
I'm gonna blow dry my hair.
I'm gonna get some sleep.
And I'm gonna have someone to talk to.
Mom, Dad, you just wait till you see what Danny got!
It's so cool.
Brady, I want you to go pack a suitcase!
Oh...
Why?
Because we're going to your grandparents' for a few days.
Do we have to?
Yes, Brady, we have to.
But, Mom I wanna stay here and help Dad
with the Pinewood Derby.
Brady!
Your dad doesn't want any help
with the Pinewood Derby!
That's not true!
I... I'm... I'm doing this to help Brady
win this thing!
As soon as we get to the fun stuff,
I'm... I'm gonna need him.
See, Mom?
Brady, move!
But, Mom! Look, you don't understand!
I can't afford to go to grandma's.
Brady, go!
Mom...
if you think for one minute
that I'm doing all of this for me, then think again!
I am doing this for Brady!
For Brady?!
That's right, for Brady!
I... I don't want him growing up
in the cold shadow of Ace Montana's kid.
Oh, Phil! Gimme a break!
This isn't about Brady! This is all about you!
Mm!
And by the way...
happy anniversary!
Anniversary.
Oh, jeez!
Mother hates rats!
The two of you should get along just fine!
Hey, Brady.
I'm not gonna need this anymore.
Wow!
See, I was gonna keep it
and buy a bike like Danny's, but I couldn't do it.
Why not?
Because Mom says
you're going through a hard time right now,
and you're gonna need that.
Because you're probably gonna get axed from your job
and never work again.
Brady, come now!
Look, I gotta go, okay?
You call me when you get to the fun stuff,
all right, Dad?
Dad! Okay?
Oh, yeah. Yes, I will.
All right, I love you, Dad.
Okay, man.
I love you too.
Coming, Mom!
All right, bye.
Yeah... well...
A rat...
Larry!
Kim!
Oh, oh, come in, come in.
These are the, uh,
Yakimotos.
This is, uh,
Uno Yakimoto.
And this is his son, Kyoshi Yakimoto.
Uh...
nice to meet you.
Uh, I thought they weren't supposed to be here
till next week.
Yeah, well, it's, um...
kind of a surprise.
Oh, yeah, Phil's gonna be surprised.
Phil!
You have company.
My name is Claude...
it's Larry.
And the Derbymotos.
Yakimotos.
Now, I'm sorry I can't stay. I gotta go.
But I want you to have a wonderful day.
Okay?
As you can see, Phil has been
working on the campaign, day and night.
Have fun.
Bye!
See ya later, sweetheart!
Have a good day!
She's...
Put it down right there.
Hi.
Hello. Let me just get down.
Hi!
Oh boy, it's...
Gee, it's great to meet you.
The Yakimotos
are here to hear about your progress
on their campaign.
Well...
Phil, if I didn't know better,
I would say you were working on the Pinewood Derby.
But, Mom, I want to stay here and help Dad
with the Pinewood Derby!
But, I want to help Dad with the Pinewood Derby!
No!
Mom!
Danny, get in the car!
I wanna help Dad with the Derby.
Danny, get in the car!
Come on, Phil.
Tell 'em what you've got in mind.
Let us know your plan.
We'd love to hear your plan, Phil!
Well, I, um...
I've been... a lot of different ideas.
But, um... well,
This...
this little device...
See! This little device.
No, no, I got it, Lar.
It's, um, this has revolutionized the world.
Mm-hmm.
It's made us more efficient, more productive,
more competitive.
And it's made us, uh, more of all of these things.
Because...
life has become...
Uh...
Rat race.
Life has become
a rat race!
This is a little um...
F-follow me, yes. Yeah, under the...
Yeah, come on, under the...
Yeah, right here. Just right under here.
And then there's one more. There you go.
Then right up over here.
Oh...
That musta hurt.
Yes sir, come on.
Larry, come on, buddy.
It's, one more, Lar, just right under here.
Join us. Oh, watch your head.
This is... I've done most of the creative,
uh... work...
here, uh, uh...
Mr. Yakimoto, may I see your... your cell phone
for a moment?
Oh, he... he... For you, well.
Could you give me a... a minute here?
Talk amongst yourselves, I'll just be a second.
Okay, here...
Phil?
Just one second.
You guys baseball fans?
'Cause I... I love the game.
It's... it's big over there,
isn't it, where you guys...
So World War ll, I mean, was that...
that was rough for you guys, 'cause it was tough for us.
I'll tell you...
Chopsticks, for us, is a song, you know?
Isn't that crazy?
Like, music.
Phil.
Yep, yep. Just one second.
Technology's a little primitive here in my workshop,
but you'll like what I come up with.
Now... there.
Naturally,
a professional model
will look a little more...
rodent-like.
But the idea
here is that we dress up,
uh, all of the world's top selling
um, you know...
mobile... phones
uh, to look like rats.
See, and... and then we...
we race them in the...
rat race of life, where, naturally, the...
Yakimoto cell phone
wins every time.
Yes.
Charlotte's gone for a couple of days.
Mm. We need to talk.
Sure.
Okay.
We can talk out here.
What are you building in there?
So?
How are your times?
Times?
I win! I win!
I win, no, I win.
First place, first place.
It's a tie. It's a tie!
They both win.
It's a tie.
Tie?
Yeah, they both won.
There you go.
Let's do this one more... one more time.
One more time, one more time.
One more time. 'Cause it's a tie.
But I really won.
Best idea yet.
Oh, well, thank you.
" Funky!"
" Get down!"
" You don't get around, baby!"
" Come on!"
" Just like that!"
" Get it!"
Nothing in here.
How about downstairs?
Nothing.
Okay, let's go.
Come on.
" I'm the man."
" I'm the man with the master plan."
" Funky!"
" I'm the man, I'm the man."
" I'm the man with the master plan."
" I'm the man, I'm the man."
" I'm the man with the master plan."
" Come on!"
Hey!
H-Hey, hi! Hi, guys.
What... what... what's... what's up?
Nothing much. How about you?
Oh, no, you know, not... not, much.
You know, just hangin' around.
Yeah.
Where's Brady and Kim?
Wh... oh, yeah, oh, yeah, they, uh,
they went out to, uh, Kim's parents
for a couple of days.
What's that smell?
Uh... what smell?
Smells like lead soup.
Lead... that's funny. I don't smell anything.
All right, Philip, you know what?
Cut to the chase.
What?
We know what you're doing here.
I... I...
Where are you making the cars, huh?
Cars?
Upstairs, huh?
No.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
Ow! Ow! Phil!
What, what, what, what?
Dislocated my knee!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
It's not funny!
I'm not laughing, I'm sorry...
Sucker!
You...
Man!
Holy...!
Two tracks!
Laser timers!
I read about guys like you.
What's your best time back here so far?
3.25
That's a good time.
Yeah.
A very good time.
But it ain't gonna beat Ace.
How do you know that?
Have you seen his car?
Yes and no.
What do you mean by that?
Where's your Pinewood Derby Bible?
My Bible?
Master "Slicer Dicer".
Oh...
Okay, here you go.
Check this out.
Ace Montana?
Uh-huh.
We're competing against the guy that wrote the Bible.
Now you know why the guy never works!
He sold a million of these babies.
And check this out,
page 537.
So, so what?
So? So what?
Ace made this car when he was eight.
It still holds the world record
of 3.11275.
They took a picture of this car
in California, before he moved here.
What...?
Uh-huh.
Why... why didn't you show me this sooner?
Why didn't you show me this sooner?
Why, why?
I've done all of this.
This... all of this.
Look!
All of this!
I've done all of this!
Yeah, I know.
For what?
I'll tell ya for what! For nothing!
- No. - No, for nothing!
Phil!
Ace Montana is a fluke!
Okay, Phil!
He's a fluke!
And you can't beat a fluke!
All right, Phil.
He's a fluke.
It's okay, it's okay.
Will you help me out here?
Phil, wait, wait, will you listen?
Phil! No, wait!
He's a fluke!
Hold on a second! No, no, no, no!
No, no, listen to me!
Let me go!
Listen to me!
Let me go!
Phil!
We figured a way to beat Ace!
Let me go!
What'd you say?
I said, we figured out a way to beat Ace.
Now, listen to me. That car...
it's over at Ace's house, upstairs in his trophy room.
I've seen it!
Yes?
Yeah, okay, listen to me. Hey, Phil.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Here's the plan.
Tomorrow morning,
when Ace, Teri, and A.J. go off
to bowl, or golf, or play tennis,
or whatever those shiny, happy people do,
we go over to his house, sneak in, get the car,
bring it back to your place,
do a little reverse engineering, bring the car back,
and kick some Derby butt, huh?
What do you say? Are you in?
Yeah?
Put your heart and soul into it.
You'll love it.
It's great. There's nothing like it.
And just...
You can win this. You can win it too.
Not the year we're in it,
but you can win it in your year.
Wake up! Wake up!
What?
I don't think I can go through with this, guys.
You're right. Let's just forget it.
Phil?
We've got two hours.
We've got to move fast!
Yeah!
Going in.
Nice place!
Yeah, first place in the home show.
Hello, you've reached 555-1111.
Go, go, go, go.
Just leave a message and we promise to get right back to you.
Hi, this is the Pine Valley Mall.
Congratulations, Ace Montana,
on winning first place in our grand prize drawing.
Make it stop!
Out of more than 50,000 entries your name was drawn,
and you are the winner of the brand new H2 Hummer.
When you get the message, please call me
at the Pine Valley Mall office at 565-5555.
Thank you, and congratulations again.
Phil.
There's your proof.
What?
Ace and Teri are fake bakes.
You go in there and you get stained like furniture.
Fine, fine, fine. Let's go.
They're fake bakes. I told you that.
"Big Dog", we have a visual.
Stacey Lynn Montana?
His name is Stacey Lynn?
"Big Dog", did you know Ace's name is Stacey Lynn?
His name
is Stacey?
You've got to be kidding me.
That's a girl's name!
There is no way we're losing this race to a Stacey!
It's so tight!
Let's go, please.
Let's get out of here.
Oh, this blows me away.
There's about over 100 million Pinewood Derby cars made and raced.
And this one...
right here... is the fastest of them all.
Part of American history.
It's like Charles Lindbergh, Man O'War, Muhammad Ali,
Cael Sanderson, Babe Ruth...
Lassie.
How much does it weigh?
Exactly five ounces, same as ours.
How long is it?
7 inches, just like it ours.
I love the brown.
Yeah, but I'm not seeing anything special here, fellas.
Me either.
Let's see what she'll do.
Yeah, let's do it.
Call it the "Tiny Avenger."
Have you already written the name on it?
Eh... no.
Um...
Eh, eh...
"Big Rig."
Careful, it's...
Oh... oh, that's, uh,
well, that... that's not regulation.
I still have a little sanding to do.
Just put it up there.
Blaine, what do you got?
"Say, Awe." Ahh.
A-W-E.
That...
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay Jimmy, you got...
Careful...
Easy.
Easy, easy, easy.
Okay, okay.
Wait a second. Yep.
You get it back together?
Yeah, I put it back together exactly the same way
we took it apart.
How did the alignment go?
Lead is balanced in the front axel.
Uh-huh.
All right, all right.
That's a beauty.
Okay.
Let's do it.
Okay.
Wow!
It is fast!
One in 100 hundred million.
I'll tell you what it is. It's a fluke.
It's a fluke, just like Ace.
Let's take it apart again.
No, we... we don't have, we don't have time.
You were right, it's... it's the... it's the lead in the front axel.
That and the wheels.
They're smooth as a baby's bottom.
We gotta get this back there.
Do I have time to go to the bathroom?
No, let's go.
Oh, man, this wheel came off.
I...
shoot.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Well, y-y-you can wait.
I don't want to go, I have to go.
See the difference.
Well, go, go, go, go, go.
Come on.
Come on, baby, come on.
Yeah... right in there.
Right... a little...
This is "Big Dog".
The enemy has returned!
Get out of there! Now, now, now, now.
Good boy.
They're going in!
Come on, Champ.
Get out of there!
Now, now, now, now!
They're home.
What?
Mom, the toilet's flooding!
It's flooding! Come here, quick!
It's flooding!
The toilet's flooding!
There's water everywhere!
What's going on?
Ace, get up here right now!
Teri, what's going on up there?
The bathroom!
Oh! On my marble!
Turn off the water!
This is "Big Dog."
Where are you guys?
We're trapped in here.
Let's cool it with the "Big Dog" stuff.
I'm gonna try to get out a window.
Where's Phil?
I don't think he made it out either.
Oh, you've gotta be kidding.
Why would I be kidding?
Go away! Go away!
Go, boy! Go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go.
Get... get out of here.
Stop it, stop it!
Here, here, here!
Here.
Go get it, yeah.
No, no, no!
Go away, go away.
Champ, what are you doing?
Get out of the closet!
Get out of the closet. Go on!
Where are you?
I'm on the roof.
On the roof!
Get off
the roof!
Okay, I think I found a spot I can get down over here.
Ace?
Ace, honey, is that you?
Uh...
Will you get me
a towel, please?
There should be one right there on the vanity.
Ace, are you trying to be funny?
Ace, are you gonna get me a towel?
Teri.
Teri?
Did you hear that scream?
Yeah, yeah... What was that?
I don't know.
Do you think maybe you could get me something
a little bit bigger than a washcloth next time?
What are you talking about?
Champ?
Go see A.J.
Go on.
Teri?
What? What's the matter?
Nothing's the matter.
I thought you put Champ in the garage.
I did.
Somebody's in the house!
Ace, Ace! No, no, no, no! He might have a gun.
Call Big Jimmy.
Where is he?
He's in the backyard!
You stay right here.
Phil!
Phil, where are you?
Did you see him?
Hey!
I thought I told you to stay inside.
Sorry.
What'd you find?
The tracks lead up to the fence, and they... they disappear.
This guy was under my bed.
I pet his head, he sniffed my hand.
How weird is that?
You pet his head?
I thought he was the dog.
" The way it moves"
" it's '40s style."
" Don't you know that it's driving me wild."
" Whoa yeah."
" Won't settle for second place."
" I gotta win this race."
" All I see is the finish line."
" And nothin' can deter me."
" You best believe."
" Well, it's gonna get down and derby!"
it's not like the truck that you made.
It can't be, you know, 50 feet long.
If you read your Bible, it only has to be straight As.
They gotta be a certain distance apart.
You ever see the Tour de France?
" Oh yeah."
" I'm finally gonna get a taste."
" Of first place."
" All I see is the finish line."
" And nothing can deter me."
" You best believe."
" Well, it's gonna get down and derby."
" Down and derby... "
Right, but the thin wheels are the racing wheels in a bike race.
The thin wheels are the racing wheels in a bike...
What are you talking about?
Yeah, the thinner the wheel, the faster the wheel.
He's got a point.
That's how Ricky Ricardo started.
Then you spray it, nice...
" All I see is the finish line."
" And nothing can deter me."
" You best believe."
All right.
" Well, it's gonna get down and derby. "
Let's do it.
Okay.
Ready, set, go!
What, what, what did you get, Big Jimmy?
3.10.
What'd you get?
3.10.
Blaine?
Oh.
Okay.
This is huge.
Congratulations, guys.
We just built the fastest car
in the history of the Pinewood Derby.
Yeah!
All right!
We did it!
Wait, wait, wait! Hold it.
Maybe we should race it again, just to be sure?
No, no, no! Don't touch it, okay?
The less we handle it, the better.
She's ready to roll.
He's right.
Don't breathe.
Graphite?
Check.
Lead tape?
Check.
Sand paper?
Check.
Screwdriver?
Check.
And finally...
The car.
Careful, careful.
Yes.
Easy, easy, easy, easy does it.
There you go.
All right.
Phil?
Yeah?
We've been talking...
Only one of us can race the car.
We want it to be you and Brady.
Wh-what about you guys?
If anybody is going to have the pleasure of beating Ace,
it should be you.
Um...
I...
I love you guys.
This is nice.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Oh... um... go.
Seating is limited...
Thank you.
" It's getting down and derby."
" Well, it's getting on down and derby."
" Sweet thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing."
The rules state that you cannot touch your car
once it has been registered.
You coming?
Yeah, I'll be there in a minute.
Yeah.
Phil.
Hey.
Thanks for coming.
I guess you... you got my message?
Yeah.
What happened to your leg?
I'll tell you about that later, but guess what?
We got the Yakimoto campaign.
Huh?
How did you do that?
You know one of those flashes I told you about?
So, um... where's... where's Brady?
There he is.
He has been working...
for two days on a car.
What car?
Dad's neighbor gave him some pointers.
Oh, Kim, Kim...
He's really excited, Phil.
Okay, okay.
But Kim, just... just wait. Just one second.
Take a look at this.
It's beautiful, right? Yeah.
She does the track in 3.10.
She's gonna... she's gonna be number one today.
Mm-hmm.
I'm hoping you're gonna be number one today, Phil.
What's that supposed to mean?
Think about it.
Maybe you'll get one of those flashes.
No, no, no... Kim, Kim, Kim!
No, don't...
Kim, don't, don't, don't, don't make me do this.
I, I put, like, 100 hours into this car.
How did it go?
I think it was one of your best slogans.
It was from the United Care campaign.
Let's see... oh!
"Sacrifice is when you give up something good
for something better."
I love you, Phil.
And I am very excited about the Derbymoto campaign.
Kim?
Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim?
3.10.
Kim?
I put 150 hours into this car!
Hey, just let me race it, huh?
Hey, please!
Ow... oh... ow...
Come on, let's go!
What are you waiting for?
Did, did, did you guys, did you see that?
Yeah.
Disqualified.
He hired some kid to pose as his son so he could get into the Derby.
Yeah, I guess all he's got is girls.
Says his dad never let him make his own car.
What some people won't do.
Hey guys!
How's it going?
Hey.
Hey, y'all seen A.J. and Teri?
Yeah, they're right over there.
Okay, thanks.
You take it easy on us today, okay?
All right, you take it easy on us too, huh?
Stacey, Stacey, Stacey.
This is the last call for race entry.
Guys?
Guys, I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna race the car today.
Which one of you guys wants it?
What?
What are you talking about?
Brady made a car.
Come on. Hold on.
Wait a second. What about you?
Does he have any idea
how much time and effort you put into this thing?
Where's Brady?
No, no, Big, Big Jimmy!
It's not about that. This is what I gotta do.
This is what I want to do.
Over my dead body
is Ace gonna win this thing today.
Give me that car!
You have three minutes
to register your car.
This is the last call.
Yeah...
Excuse me.
Hey, buddy.
I've been looking all over for you.
Me?
Yeah.
You know, you better get down there
and get your car registered.
You're... you're gonna be late.
Well... what about your car?
Oh, forget about... my car.
Your car is what the Pinewood Derby's all about.
Now, go on... get your car and get down there.
Aw... thanks, Dad!
All right. Okay, buddy.
We have to get started.
This is absolutely the last call.
3.10.
Mwah!
Ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the annual Pinewood Derby,
the greatest race in the world.
And for this greatest race in the world,
we have an extremely special guest.
Back in 1953, this man founded and created the Pinewood Derby.
Please welcome...
Mr. Don Murphy!
Thank you.
Are we ready?
Then let the races begin.
We have a winner in lane 5.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
We have a winner in Lane 2.
Mom, Dad, my car's gonna race!
On the bus.
Dad, my car's racing!
Oh, which one is it?
Oh, it's the one next to the yellow one.
Yeah.
It looks like it's gonna be an early night.
So, what do you say we take Brady to dinner and a movie?
Mm...
All right.
Hey, it looks good!
Yeah, what... what do you call it?
Well, Grandpa's neighbor...
he said we should call it "The Fluke."
"The Fluke?"
Wait, who's grandpa's neighbor?
We are set!
Oh... shh... We're gonna race!
They're off!
It looks like we have a car
that's qualified for "safest driver" award.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, I am really proud of you!
You know, it looked to me like it was, uh, gaining.
No, Dad I won!
"The Fluke" won!
What are you talking about?
Brady, you came in last place.
No, you see the black car?
That's "the Fluke!"
I won, Dad! I won!
Yes! Yes!
Oh!
Maybe a late show?
Yeah!
Whoa...
You are on your way!
Ladies and gentlemen.
Here are the names of the boys whose cars have qualified
for the championship final.
Cade Matthews.
A.J. Montana.
Danny Scaldoni.
Brady Davis.
Yeah!
Whoo!
Cole Johnson.
And Johnny Fould.
Come on!
Give these guys a big hand!
May I make mention that one of the finalists,
A.J. Montana's dad, Ace Montana,
is the world record holder in this event.
That was easy.
Ace.
Ladies and gentlemen.
We are set.
Okay!
All right!
Let's race!
The cars are in position.
We're ready to go.
Ladies and gentlemen!
The winner and champion is in Lane 3!
Ladies and gentlemen!
History has been made today!
Brady Davis not only won the Pinewood Derby,
he has set a new world record!
Thank you for your participation.
We'll see you back here next year.
You're the one, pal! You did it.
Hey, nice job, guys.
Looks like you were just too good for us.
Next year maybe you guys
can give us a few pointers, okay?
Congratulations.
Wow.
I don't think I would've handled it like that.
He's a... he's a better man than I thought he was.
Yeah.
Ace!
That was rigged!
That's it! We're moving!
I'm telling you, they cheated!
I am not second place in anything I do!
Ace, I am not going to put up with this!
I am warning you!
Stacey Lynn Montana, you are acting like a child!
Get in the car!
I am not...
No, no, no, no!
Get in the car!
I've got over 100 hours in that car!
Yikes.
Hey, congratulations man.
Ah... thanks, Dad!
No, I'm really proud of you!
But, tell me something, one question?
Did you really build that car all by yourself?
Oh, yeah.
Well... Grandpa's neighbor gave me some pointers,
but I did it all on my own, honest.
I know.
That's amazing!
Who's, uh, who's, uh, who's Grandpa's neighbor?
Oh, you see the man over there wearing a plaid shirt?
That's him.
Oh.
" You best believe."
" Well, its gonna get down and derby. "